On The Same Paige

As a creative person with mental health problems, the question of whether I should go to university caused me so much anxiety at 16 that it snowballed into a full-blown depressive episode.

I’ll begin by explaining my circumstances. I started sixth-form in the midst of covid-19 and after having been out of education for over 6 months. The transition felt like I was on a treadmill that was going too fast for me to keep up with. All of sudden, people were talking about university and I hadn’t even sat my GCSEs , what made it worse was that everyone else seemed so calm about it and like they knew what direction they were going in. For the first time in my life I didn’t know what was next for me. I had never even thought about university, I was the eldest child and nobody in my family had ever been to university, I didn’t even know how it worked. Do you sit exams? What does a maintenance loan mean? What the hell is a UCAS point and how do I get them? (Spoiler alert I still can’t fully answer that one.) I was both a homebody and also knew that getting away from where I grew up would probably do wonders for me, but what if having to look after myself meant my mental health would decline further? I’m not a quitter so I knew that if I started university and hated it I would be too stubborn to drop out. On top of all of that, I wanted to be an actress, was there even any point? Let’s get into it…

Firstly, you have time to decide. Everyone would say this to me, to which I thought, you don’t understand, if I don’t panic about it now I’ll panic when it comes time to decide and that will be even worse! You literally don’t have to decide until the day you leave, or maybe for the sake of your bank account, until the day you pay your first-semester rent. By this point, you’ll be much more in the know and able to make an educated decision. In the meantime, apply for everything you might enjoy: university, apprenticeships, online courses, and have a plan for if you don’t continue in any kind of education. Gap years are an option! I promise you won’t fall behind. University isn’t like secondary or college, you can be a year older or 10, and literally nobody cares, there will always be a variety of people and ages at your university.

Secondly, during your time at university, you will change so much as a person. I was so worried about being homesick, but now I love traveling and doing stuff alone. I was worried that I’d be too stubborn to drop out if I wanted to but I’m not like that anymore, if something is not right for me I have grown to accept that and focus on what is. I was worried about my mental health but it is the best it has ever been. Being at university gave me complete control over my life and gave me access to resources I didn’t have before like free talking therapy, as well as giving me the courage to advocate for myself with GPs. So many ‘what-ifs’ I worried about aren’t even relevant in my life anymore.

Finally, university is what you make of it, especially if you do a creative subject. It isn’t a necessity but I also do not regret going at all. Not only have I been taught so much but I’ve had access to equipment and resources as part of my degree that I would otherwise have never gotten my hands on because I could never have afforded it. In the creative industry, or I’d argue any, networking is a big portion of your career if you want one. If you are doing a creative subject and think that just showing up and doing your assignments will be gratifying you are very much wrong. What has made university worth it for me? Probably about 30% the actual education and 70% everything else that I did off my own back outside of my degree.

All of this being said, it is true that university is not for everybody, and I know plenty of people who have thrived without it, but don’t write it off out of fear is all I say. I can hands-down tell you that not a single part of me regrets going to university, and it hasn’t been a smooth ride either. I have still experienced depressive episodes and bad mental health, I’ve experienced my first real heartbreak, homesickness, and the feeling of being completely and utterly alone, not to mention having a full-blown physical disability develop, which did make me question if I would have to leave university. I was lucky enough to have people at university who took good enough of me for me to stick it out, but that isn’t always the case, and that’s okay too. Yes, you should enjoy your course and what you do, but even then it’s not always fun, which if anything prepares you for the real world.

I decided to go to my university because it wasn’t far away from home and I loved the sound of the course. I now have so so many more reasons than that that make me glad I went.